Miss · Jones's · Diary

Nephew crept up and told me horrid, disgusting thing: poo shall be hot like peppers! Boys are horrid, disgusting things! If true, hot peppers horrid things! Boy was eating Amer. choccies at time, mouth covered in choc, telling me of burning poo. V. v. v. v. v. v. v. v. v. v. v. v. sick-making.

Nephew also asked for sip of Tetley's. Told to SOD OFF. Is now chanting "sod off sod off sod off" w/ choc-covered mouth. HORRID HORRID CHILD.

Woke up to v. v. v. v. v. large coffee, strong, milk, no sugar. Have weaned self from sugar in tea and coffee! Huzzah! (Still have honey in green and white stuff, as is nec. for being able to drink and also healthful.) Was given small oatmeal, which was not nasty but sweet, v. nice, fights cholesterols, helps heart, v. good for me.

Lunch not sweet. Fed toasted cheese (fat-making!) w/ hot peppers! MOUTH ENTIRELY IN FLAMES. Nose leaking. Wishing for pint. No pint allowed this early am told. Amer. v. v. v. silly re pints at lunch. May sneak pint of Tetley's, drink from can outside by shed. Told spicy peppers thin-making, but cannot believe counters fat-making of cheddar, nor worth pain. Amer. laugh, tell me have weak mouth, "not hot"!!! Shall be sick. Told if sick shall be just as hot back up. HORRID!!! Amer. cruel w/ flame-like hot foods snuck into toasted cheese!!

Shall refuse any more food rest of day. Shall drink tea once flames subside. Shall take Tetley's, as is mine and Amer. rule re when drinking v. v. silly.

Have been naughty and stupid. Had also lost pword for journal, so am v. v. v. v. v. far behind.

Last year was disapp. and miserable, as was sick nearly entire time. HORRID. Lost weight, but gained back. Am spending too much time being sick into loo. Why am not thinner when always sick into loo? Should be THIN from always sick. UNFAIR.

Have been to doctor, who saw I have illness which may be fat-making and is def.-water-weight-making, but he refused to treat as am fat and he would not treat fat person. HORRIBLY UNFAIR. Am sore and unhappy, and horrid periods due to illness, but am too fat to treat! UNFAIR as am not as bad as other ppl here in America, am simply fat, but not thin, so am DOOMED to misery and loneliness and illness and death and being eaten by cat before corpse even cold.

All weight-losing advice is FAILING. Not-eating makes metab. v. v. v. v. slow, so get fatter. Calorie-counting imposs. if one has real job, which have, and takes time away from looking up cal. in morning coffee (good for brain and diabetes-fending) and day's tea. Hate Amer. fat clinics, as ppl all preachy. Weight-loss is religion in America.

Shall try to follow new adv. from Mum, who says should eat LARGE bfast, tiny lunch, tiny supper, no tea. Shall miss tea. Shall still drink tea, as is good as lots of water is good against water-weight.

Have been horrib. with buying crisps and ice cream and choccies as have been depr. as am alone and fat. SHALL STOP BUYING. SHALL BE DISCIPLINED. Excepting the chili-choccie bar, as am told by lawyer friend spicy foods good for weight-loss, speeding metab. Am thinking shall indulge craving for curry, as spicy and therefore metab.-speeding and therefore thin-making. Shall use fresh vegs and be vegetarian-ish about it, as have never met fat vegetarian.

Shall not be actual vegetarian, as is spring and shall miss grilled meat, esp. sausages. Americans like to grill and I like their meat. THAT SOUNDS HORRIB. SEXUAL.

Must eat more vegs. Stop eating frozen American pizzas which are delicious but are v. v. v. fat-making.

SHALL GROW VEGS LIKE MICHELLE OBAMA. Shall eat fresh vegs every day, be thin and glamorous like Michelle Obama. Aspire to Michelle Obama's arms. Fresh vegs make arms beautiful?

Would go for walk, but am tired from soreness and shall take nap. Shall walk ltr.

Have not written in AGES as am DEPRESSED. Also v. v. busy! Have changed jobs, look to be on CAREER PATH. Unfortunately, have also TURNED INTO COW. Massive. Huge. Am disgusting to self and all heterosexual males of species. Am TWENTY POUNDS heavier!

Have been starving self on shakes and bars but am swollen and ache with fatness of self. Diets not working! V. v. miserable. Am hoping is some horrid yet curable disease which is making self fat so that can be cured with pills/surgery. Only solace is Tetley's, Boddington's, Guinness, and PG Tips. Am down to two pints of Boddington's, but have found new source of PG Tips! America not entirely evil! Shall buy more of above when not poor, as am POOR and owing money to giant and evil corporations.

Shall soon NOT be poor, but with much income. V. v. good news! Other than am hugely fat, v. v. bad news. As hollies appr., am NOT holding self to silly diets, but SHALL LOSE WEIGHT NEXT YEAR. Shall be thin and marvelous for new job and shall buy lovely new thin person clothes and find gorgeous man to love me and then SEX!

Have not lost one bloody pound. Am roughly size of Luciano Pavarotti, only without singing voice and bad dye job.

Have been ill most of new year, but have also been terrifically LAZY. Have done crunches, weight lifting, thigh-buttocks exercise, yet not for more than two nights in a row. Would much rather sit in front of telly, eating: sure way of being Pavarotti twice over.

MUST BE DISCIPLINED. Must not eat. Must exercise. Shall walk EVERY DAY. Not tonight, as is late and feel exhausted from watching Olympics on telly. Shall start tomorrow. Shall be thin and gorgeous by year's end and therefore good match for several very attr. young men on various nations' teams. Shall then cheer him on while not in world's eye, winning love through devotion. Shall work out with handsome athlete and be motivated. Shall sweat alongside, which he shall find v. attr. and therefore attack me sexually, which shall be more enjoyable workout & much nicer way to get sweaty. ♥

Am Mount Vesuvius of blood. Am entirely one, giant cramp. Have thumping great headache and nausea without joy of happy night out with friends beforehand. Am swollen with water enough to ... Don't know. Any rate, am vast sea of retained fluid. In summation, am most miserable woman on earth, yet have NO CHOCOLATE. Cannot bring self to go to shop filled with Valentine's Day decorations and buy self chocolates. Should have boyfriend/husband to buy heart-shaped box. Shall be obviously single and pathetic if buy chocolate now. Hate Valentine's Day.

I need chocolate and cuddling and not to be bleeding. Though, fertility is good. Nice to be fertile. Just wish weren't punished for not having gotten self pregnant. Cruel, cruel life!

Am depressed. Am massive and poor and w/o brain or man. Shall never have sex again, as am repulsive. Shall die alone, homeless, fat. Ate three-quarters of a pint of Chubby Hubby in fit of depression. Had already had glass of Godiva Liqueur! Am pig, fat, miserable. Am desperately wishing were thin, cute, like Drew Barrymore, but w/o the ugly green dress. Massive tits fine, as men love them desperately. Just better fashion sense, like Drew in Vogue--GORGEOUS! ...b/c EXERCISE and PROPER DIET, not lying like overbaked potato on sofa, eating Chubby Hubby from container and watching bad late-night telly.

Shall do 100 crunches and many reps with weights to make up. Tomorrow.

Am not eating during day. Is like Lent—wait—Muslim hol?—whoever ppl w/ no-eating for God—only without actual religiousness. Entirely secular. Have decided is good way to save money on food (am entirely without funds), and cut down on intake. Am fat and not getting thinner, so must do something, so am cutting down severely. Allows self to eat full supper without guilt, including miniscule amt. of Chubby Hubby, finest ice cream ever.

Also, have been ill. Food not staying where should for v. long. Feel abso. awful: tired, aching, icky. Wondering re: bulimia-types, who put selves though things like this to be thin every day. Am symp. to wanting fab. thinness, but would not be able to survive daily misery. To feel this awful always would not be worth fab. thinness.

Any rate, AM NOT ANOREXIC. Am simply saving money/caloric intake. Hate being hungry all day. Make take TINY snack. Would stout be snack? Is beer food? Is beverage, but milk beverage and food which bulimics would not keep down long. Confusing.

(Still hungry! Soooooo hungry! Ate carrots last night. Am sick of carrots. Am not animated rabbit.)

Am drinking gallons of tea. When want snack, am drinking tea. When want more lunch, am drinking tea. Tea instead of food. Tea instead of crisps. Tea instead of cheese and biscuits. Tea instead of choccies. Tea instead of dessert. Am being v. disciplined! No PG Tips, which is tragedy, but have lots of v. nice, v. silly American-type teas with flavours and such. Christmas teas with spices are lovely! Also like chai, also v. spicy. Am trying white teas, which have flavours such as persimmon and are good, but still prefer good, old fash. black tea. Shall try to cut down on sugar and milk, but pref. sugar and milk. Have honey in green and white teas, taste much better. Tea! More tea! "Tea's for Thin!"

Have read alcohol is good for health. Not just stout and red wine, but alcohol. Stout and red wine for heart, but alcohol, daily, for ...diabetes? Blood pressure? Can't recall. Is marvelous! Shall make point of drinking every day. Shall take little effort, as what do daily, so am forward-thinking and healthful in practice! Shall not get drunk, as is not appr. to my age, as must be mature and such. Shall only drink enough FOR HEALTH. Glass of Bailey's. Pint of stout. Bottle of Guinness draught. Glass of liqueur. Is all good for my health!

Want to eat more tuna salad. Love tuna salad, but tuna chock with mercury, which is bad for baby-making. Shall eventually wish to make healthy, beautiful babies with healthy, beautiful man shall obtain once thin and healthy. In year, shall be on way to married and babies! Or, not. Babies are messy and take a lot of time. Eventually, babies. But, def., MARRIED. Or having sex. Want tuna salad and sex. Not at same time. Would be horrid, smelly mess.